you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
