He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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