Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
