tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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