Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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