how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
