when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
