dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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