I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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