Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
