He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
