I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
