apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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