I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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