You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
