my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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