i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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