Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
