Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
