I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
