i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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