Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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