he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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