you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
