Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
