Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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