If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
