I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
