party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
