Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
