i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
