I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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