My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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