I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
