Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
