Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
