she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
