She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
