I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
