fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
