i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
