dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize