I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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