But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
