I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
