Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
