Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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