she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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