those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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