What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
