He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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