Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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