he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
