He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
