You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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