In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
