I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
