dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
