ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This toilet bowl is my home.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
