i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
well you can't waste a boner
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
