Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
