can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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