Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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