The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
