he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why is there bacon in the couch?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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