my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
