I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
