everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
