dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
