Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
