Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
