The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
