So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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