It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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